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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I’m not a prop for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It’s not just a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my private filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought filming a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Each appears confused as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their friendship?